My Papercut Chronicles

makemepanic: colour-my-world: amanderr: musicobsessed6: mofos...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:39:14 -0400

colour-my-world:

amanderr:

musicobsessed6:

mofosluv:

shoutlauren:

yougococo:

zeppidemus:

sowrongitsalex:

toyrocketships:

thetasteoftheend:

fuckyeaheyarnold:

roadsss:

dessoffthe-deepend:the-best-on-mars:damnitspam:jasonnywithnochance:(via younghollywoodcelebs)

Rugrats used to be my motherfreaking life.

all these shows used to be my life |o:

ROCKOS MODERNLIFE <#33333

i have that hottopic shirt, i wear it and it makes me happy :D

sfm

AMANDA PLEASE. <3

Amanda and All that

except the ones of those I saw, I saw in the ‘00

wait Invador Zim wasn’t in the ’90s it premiered after we got satellite

Gosh I miss some of these shows so much.

Omg. Wild Thornberrys, As Told By Ginger, Hey Arnold, Rocket Power, All That, The Garcia Bros… I grew on sooo many of these <3

And, what’s the one in the middle of the first row? I can’t tell what it is. And the last one in the first row, I used to watch that all the time but I can’t remember the name of it, fail.

makemepanic: colour-my-world: amanderr: musicobsessed6: whisp...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:04:12 -0400

makemepanic:

colour-my-world:

amanderr:

musicobsessed6:

whisperwarriorx:

mariaisawonder:

leighasalady:

akabutterfly:

zombie-fuck:

anotherwaytodie:

lolquack:

justanotherprettylie:

dangerjoejonas:

xo-lou:

nikkee:

quizzical-frisson:

thesecretblogofbmfs:

flypaperairplanes:

themodernmariaclara:

charmwithasmile:

notsobitteranymore:

araw-araw!:)))

Always! :))

Always!

LOL !

story of my life.

all the time

hahahah like 5 times in a row. FML

or if you just hold it open, hoping something will just pop out at you like “EAT MEE”

makemepanic: colour-my-world: wearethesameblood: nogivingup: ...

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 23:44:02 -0400

makemepanic:

colour-my-world:

wearethesameblood:

nogivingup:

fmylife:

jordychristine:

Please reblog this to help strike a blow against pediatric cancer. I will post on Sunday exactly how much I’ve raised by doing this!

Survey I did for no good reason.

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:09:13 -0400

Dare you to go in detail. why’d you kissed the last person you kissed? Because I hadn’t been kissed in the longest time and I figured why not.

How old will you be in 13 months? 15

What color shirt are you wearing? black

Who was driving the last car you were in? my dad

Who was the last person that called you? don’t remember

What were you doing at 10:00 last night? don’t remember

Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents) idk lol

Ever kissed someone in a closet? not yett

Where was the last place you went besides your home? the moviees

What temperature is it outside right now? how would i know

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? possibly

Think of your last 20 kisses, were they with the same person? lol, hasn’t been twenty, but no

Does anyone know every little detail about you? noo

Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now? nope

What were you doing at 12 am last night? hangin with my brother, i guess

Do you think if you died that the last person you kissed would even care? i don’t know, maybe

How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? none

Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? maybe.

Do you know anyone named Joshua? heard of him

Do you care what people think of you? i suppose

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now? hm. i wish you didn’t ask…..

it reeally depends

Are you dating the last person you talked to? nope

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? nooo

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? not that i know of

Is the last person you kissed mad at you? hope not

Are you in a good mood? fuck you

Are you a jealous person? not really

Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear? yah

do you find piercings/tattoos attractive in the preferred sex? if you can work it, baby

Who’s sweatshirt did you wear last? my own

If you had to get another piercing (not ears) what would you get? hm….maybe a lil nose stud

Are you shy? only for special people

Your significant other walks out of your life, do you go after them? he wasn’t my significant other.

he was some asshole i should have never met

and i didn’t go after him

Look to the left. What catches your eye first? the lil rubber puppy my mom had in her childhood

Miss American Miss

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:06:13 -0400

I miss my friends, how thing used to be.

LOL. I hate phrasing it that way. But things are kind of pathetic with my friends right now. I mean, Kaela doesn’t invite me to go with her to her birthday thing at Tabu on Teen Night, not that I feel special enough to have been invited, but you know, I thought we were closer than not even knowing what the other one is doing for her birthday…..

Pauline and I talk, but we don’t hang out. She can’t come when I invite her, and I’m not blaming her or anything because things happen and stuff. I just miss her. I know she hangs out a lot with Gabby and Dylan and them, but it’s just like kind of a bummer because its at similar places that she and I used to go to together. Coincidence? I don’t know…oh, well.

Terri I barely hear from at all. I miss that biscuit.

Jessica I straight up don’t hear from, but I don’t think I expected to hear from her. She seemed like she could easily forget me.

Maybe I just expected more from Pauline and Kaela, because I’ve been through more with those two.

Don’t get me wrong, I made some friends at Sacred Heart that I truly love. Sammy, Vickie, Reema, there’s lots of them. I’m just the type of person that could and would keep old ties strong, and now I just know how forgotten I actually am, which is peachy, but it’s just kind of sad to get used to, haha.

love ya

gabby$$ brielle

Shoot Down The Stars/ Shoot Me Down

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 01:47:00 -0400

So, how did the photo shoot go? Well, it was tons of fun. Tons of fun because of tons of worries and lots of effort. My photographer was awesome, and she was preggers. She took some really good shots of me, and she spoke to me a lot.

Looking at them, I feel like every picture I ever took of myself, either in my room or the bathroom mirror (because I loved the lighting), or on my infamous basement wall, lead up to it. It was kind of odd because I’ve taken so many and I know my angles so well, and she didn’t but she caught them sometimes and missed them sometimes. It almost makes me feel like I wish I could have taken more after seeing them because I know how to fix whatever I didn’t like.

I still like them a lot though. I’m proud of them. I’d like to know what my friends thought, but there’s so many things that goes with that statement.

Friends, and what they think.

Some friends you can’t ask because you don’t want to make them feel bad because you got to do something, and stuff like that. It’s stupid, but you have to be careful of other people’s feelings. Not being a show off and stuff, even if you don’t mean it.

Some friends you can’t ask because you just feel sort of self-conscious with them, even if they are your friends.

Some friends you can ask anything to

And some friends you really want to know what they think, because just like you, they work hard at something and wouldn’t mind because they might ask you for an opnion one day.

And some friends you feel the need to ask what they think because you’ve discussed that thing with them, you’ve told them your dreams, and your dreams are type similar.

Well, Courtney was one of those people, and he was one of the only people online who’s opinion I care about. So what did I do? I IMed him on my new screen name that he didn’t have. As soon as I did it, I regretted it and I didn’t send him the pics. I tried to play with him, but he wasn’t even going for it. it felt good/weird/odd to get an answer from him, but I still wish I could hear what he’d have to say. My pride won’t let me hit him up again, so I won’t do that. I can’t tell you how annoying it is, though.

I don’t know what to think about Akeem. Nothing’s happening with him, not talking to him, and I don’t want to waste my time. I could easily meet up with Victoria’s friend, but I’m trying to give Akeem a chance first. I just wish I knew if anything was happening with him so I could actually do something, let something happen.

My mom’s treating me like more than a girl, less than a person. I have so much on me, so much to work on, and she’s talking to me about needing rest. She’s not even suggesting it, she’s trying to be assertive and like order it, but she doesn’t understand that I CAN’T work that way. I’m like tearing up thinking about it.

I’m so many THINGS:

singer
actress
model (all aspiring)
basketball player
student, during and after school
member of a buncha clubs

And she forgets that I’m a PERSON:

ordinary sensitive teenage girl
really caring (or at least I try to be… :( ) friend
Best friend
lonely-ass single chick

But how would she know any of that?

She wants me to stop talking to my friends on aim so much. MAYBE THEY ARE THE ONLY FUCKING THINGS KEEPING ME SANE! Maybe God gave me technology so that I could talk to the awesome friends that he gave me while I do my work. So that I don’t always feel like a THING!

She doesn’t understand me, and she’s so head-on about what she thinks that she won’t try and thinks that I’m just some whiney disagreeing teenage daughter.

Wow, I just figured out why Courtney ever meant so much to me.

I need to be understood. All this work, all this judgement, artistic freedom, he’s the only other one that I know who could convince me that he understands. HE COULD UNDERSTAND!

BUT FUCK HIM. Because he didn’t give a shit. HE DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. He just understood me because he could. fuck him…fuck him….

no. fuck me. i’m fucking pathetic.

I’m probably just PMSing, but you know what? As shitty as I feel, this is the only time I make sense. This is the only time I could make sense of my feelings for Courtney, because why should I have feelings for someone that treats me like shit?

Because I need to be understood, and even though he was an asshole who never did anything for me, he understood.

You hear that, Courtney?

Dear Courtney,

Haven’t spoken to you in a while. And I’m SURE that you don’t care, but I just wanted to get this out. You treated me like shit, which is what makes me label you an ass. I also wanted to tell you that I will be successful without you. If you weren’t so much of a coward to block me on aim, you’d have been the first person to see the pictures that I worked so damn hard to take for my fucking portfolio. You’d have been the one who helped me mentally prepare to take them. You’d have been the one to calm me down. But you weren’t, even though I was coincedentally the one

WHO

TOOK

FUCKING

PICTURES OF YOU

AND EDITED THEM FOR YOU

FOR YOUR FUCKING PORTFOLIO-ISH THING.

So fuck you. You. hurt. me.

I hope we both make it. I hope you see me on your T.V. screen. I hope you hear my song. I hope you see me in a magazine. So that when the day finally comes, I can ask you for YOUR name. I can tell you I don’t remember you. I can tell you that I have to go, and walk away, and never turn back. I hope you really, really like that. And no matter how much I want to do that, I wouldn’t. I’d at LEAST turn back and wave, because in my head, I’d be saying, “What if he dies tomorrow?”, because that’s how I am. I’d give you a hug. And then I’d walk away because even though you understood, you were never man enough for me. You take your dick and stick it into some senior chick who looks JUST LIKE ME or Selena Gomez because I want you to be happy. I think I may just want to know that you are happy, and then I’ll get over you. I have no idea, really. But I know that I want to be happy, with or without you. It’s just hard to do that right now because there isn’t anyone who wants to take the place you left with the bullet your microphone left in my heart.

like,

Gabby

Haven’t I told you?

I’m a star?

See that Ice?

See the cars?

lolz

I love you.

Gabrielle

makemepanic: colour-my-world: amanderr: surprise-surprise: al...

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:24:19 -0400

makemepanic:

colour-my-world:

amanderr:

surprise-surprise:

alltimelowfuckyeah:

rantsraveandreblogs:

unpredictableforecast:

crazyspark:

katielove:

tothesoundsof:

theelleword:

monkeyhoohaa:

justamemory:

echycakes:

tatatatori:

(via thetruthindeed)

Cowardly Dogs

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:01:21 -0400

Is what the both of you are, huh?

lol. That’s pretty sad…..I don’t bite (no pun intended), you couldn’t face me at all??? Not even a smart coward!

To block my friend too!

And not make sure I don’t have other screen names. GEEZE. Fucking coward.

Why do I still have feelings for you?

Fucker…..I hope your having reeally good sex, because that’s what it was always about, huh? I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to you. I don’t know if we’ll ever talk again. But don’t let the day you see me on your television screen be the same day you decide to talk to me. Fucking. Coward.

Get the fuck out my head and give me the fuck back my heart. You OWE me.

I don’ love you.

gabrielle

makemepanic: colour-my-world: goindownslow: heygloria: agirlc...

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:17:26 -0400

makemepanic:

colour-my-world:

goindownslow:

heygloria:

agirlcalledxkill:

pandyland:

This intrigued me, so I actually asked my theology teacher about it, because something wouldn’t let me truly believe that it was accurate, though it suppose it’s written in the bible. So I thought about his answer, and this is what I have to say: The bible was written hundreds of thousands of years ago? Things were VERY different then, and also, the bible was not written in English. It was written in languages spoken back then, and in time, things get lost and changed in translation.In the time that this was written, women barely had any rights, correct? However, God has a special love and appreciation for women, and there are MANY other writings in the Bible that say things that I’m sure would contradict this. So being that things in the English Bible has been lost in translation and that the Bible was written by PEOPLE in that time, not by God, how can something like this still apply or be said as true by anyone? Bible-believers or readers, “religious” or not, all the same? The people that wrote these LETTERS, (because that’s what the writings in the Bible are) LIVED in a world where that’s how people thought. That’s just the way things WERE. I’m sure that in the next million years things that were completely normal to us will be very different, right? Not saying that that applies to EVERYTHING in the Bible, and who’s to say what does and what doesn’t? But for this, I believe it does.

I totally respect those of you that will use this as an argument against us folk who are “religious” with Biblical studies, so please respect me? I barely put in any ACTUAL religious views, LOL, I just gave the other side of this after thinking about it for a while and talking to someone who actually knows what he’s talking about. <33

TSOL

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:34:26 -0400

Because I’m tired of saying I’m lost.

I just forgot who I am.

I’m forgetting things I used to adore more than almost anything.

I’m forgetting what I want, what I worked for.

I’m forgetting myself.

I feel so lost within my own mind. Like there’s so much there, that there’s really nothing at all.

What am I? Insane? Confused? I don’t know….

My muscles hurt.

I want to be held and touched and put back together.

But reading that, what I JUST typed before this very sentence pisses me off.

Because there’s no one to do that, and for many reasons, that is.

I truly wish I could convince myself that I could easily get over someone that cares so little for me.

I wish Max was online, because he kind of seems to make sense of things. It’s scary when nothing makes sense.

I think I’m just too tired. I’m getting irritable with myself. I’m going to go lay down.

To that guy: If you think of me at all…..please, please let me know. I just want to hear your voice or see your face. I just want you…….

I know he’ll never read that. He wouldn’t know who he was.

I need to get a hold of myself again. I don’t know how I’m going to do that. Maybe as the laryngitis fades away and my singin comes back, I’ll find my voice, I’ll find myself again. God, I hope so…..I’m so tsol without it.

For anyone that gives a shit, you may have even asked, but just so that I can admit it to myself, here’s the truth.

How are things at/with/involving school?

Well, I’m still trying to figure myself out, still trying to find my crowd. In a way, I fit in too many places. In a way, I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t know. I’m content, I’m too comfortable, I’m glad. I’m not happy there. I don’t know why, but it’s not like I’d rather be anywhere else. It’s still an amazing place. See how confusing that sounds? Makes no sense.

Why is it so hard to make sense of myself now? Why do I have so many feelings? Why do I get so emotional about this? Why am I getting so emotional now?

Am I developing an emotional/mental/chemical imbalance?

I’m not even going to go there. I don’t want to set myself up to having one. Nonono.

And as soon as I’m about to stop typing on this blog, things suddenly seem less dark, less dramatic, less bad. But when I’m about to close it, I feel more alone.

What the fuck?

i love you

gabrielle

Lost in the Clutter

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:42:00 -0400

I don’t know if I ever wrote about it on here, but there was a time, maybe during the summer, that I couldn’t wait for school to start. I wanted a routine and something to get my mind off of my heart.

Well, I was wrong. Yeah, I like school and the teachers and the students, but there’s nothing routine about this. I feel so lost…. Everything about me is confused.

I’m so confused, I’m loosing who I am again. I’m forgetting things about myself. I don’t know how to do anything right, I’m just going, doing the best I can. I feel like the walls are leaning on me to stand up. I probably have to write more, get more out before it implodes, but I have so much work to catch up on, since I’ve been working with Ben and my Mom.

People, there’s a difference when you’re worrying about your own shit and when you have people dependent on you while you’re still figuring out how to take care of yourself. Think about it.

i love you

gabrielle

Guys, Again (and a message to muffins)

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:40:14 -0400

Are all assholes, even when they never meant to be. So ladies, DON’T be surprised when they break your heart. They probably couldn’t even help themselves. Don’t let it change how you feel about yourself, or at least try, because they will always hurt you over and over again. Until they’re man enough to want to actually get married, that’s the way it’ll stay.

Just date to have fun and “practice”, as they say, right now.

Anyway, I kind of figured out what it is I’m “looking for” in a guy. I’m a care-giver. I love taking care of anyone who will let me, even when I kind of shouldn’t be.

So I need a guy that won’t expect me to take care of him, but who will be more concerned with taking care of me. That’s where my main stress is, so that’s the one place that really needs to be tended to. So yeah, a guy to want to take care of me and not expect me to take care of him….of course that’ll probably just make me want to take care of him more, but it won’t be in a stressful way.

Am I gonna find a guy like that? I don’t know.

I doubt it.

Don’t think so.

But I’ll have fun in the meantime :)!

To my friends:

I haven’t ever forgotten about you. Don’ forget about me. After certain events in our lives, I know it’s been harder for us to stay connected. But I’m still here for you. Please, don’t forget that I’m here for you. I want to take care of you, so tell me what I can do. If you don’t know what you want to be done, if you turn to me and tell me what’s wrong, you can bet I’ll give myself a headache trying to figure it out.

I love you

and I miss you

Gabrielle

Sweat

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:29:24 -0400

Hey, muffins and honeybuns

How is life right now? Well, there’s mixed feelings. I’m very content, very okay, and I’m trying to take the opportunity that I have right now and relax. There’s not really any drama DIRECTLY in my life, which is nice. I’m not stressed over everything. I’m worried about some things and have my mini-breakdowns, but it’s good. I’m kind of confident in school and I’m finding some time to work on my music and my other tasks. I have things to look forward to and I’m kind of keeping connections with my antique friends and getting closer to the new ones.

Speaking of older and newer friends….

The first dance at Chaminade was last night, and it was much better than I expected. A lot of the girls in SHA that I thought might have been ~~somewhat~~ sheltered or “good” really made me change my mind. Yes, they are still good girls, but that’s a good thing. What I mean is that they certainly weren’t afraid of getting down, dirty, and close to guys. It was nice to see that I wasn’t the only one :)

So, who was I dancing with?

Well! Steven and Frank were both there, and I danced with them, of course! My old homiees <33 Steven needed more of a push, but we ended up getting pretty close, and I was happy to give him that side of his guy-hood….I think that was his first close encounter with a girl, even though it was barely anything….but it was so adorable! LOL, he’s so dorky and nerdy and composed and to see him having such a good time was just awesome. Frank was also having a good time and that was great. Those two really matured physically, like they don’t look like little boys anymore. They look like real guys.

There were actually a lot of cute guys at Cha-cha. Lots of guidos, but they were pretty cute and def’ knew how to dance with a girl and were NOT shy to do it! In fact, this one short-ass kid kept going up behind me and in front me and tried dancing on me and I kept running away, lol. He was kinda creeper for that.

The whole time after I found him, no matter who I was with or where I was, Javaun stayed with me.

Who the fudge-cake is that?

Well, he’s a kid from the old school, the OLD old school (with the old, awesome teachers and the old kewl principal, and the old sweet uniforms). He’s black (Jamaican), and our parents used to talk. He was always really nice and we spoke, too. I hadn’t seen him since maybe….3rd grade? 2nd grade? But I never forgot him because most people I just don’t really forget. For whatever reason, I never had a crush on him, but that’s good.

That’s VERY good, because we were dubbing and grinding the whole time we were together on the dance floor. The gym, by the way, must have reached over a hundred degrees. EVERYONE was drenched in sweat and went to the basement for drinks and air. Javaun brought me water and walked me outside, which was sweet. He’s such a gentleman :)

It was funny, though, because while we were dancing his friends kept giving him fives and shit like “YOU DA MAN” lmao! Funny, funny stuff. Though my hair was a hot-mess by the end of the night, I had a great time. I was close to a guy, which was the feeling I’d been wanting for so long.

It’s just a bit weird that it was Javaun. I mean, I knew him when we were tiny little kids. I don’t like him; I’m still feeling Dane. But Dane lives so far away and doesn’t show much romantic interests. Javaun lives like two towns down and goes to the partner of my school.

Two smart, cute, fun Jamaicans at once :/ . LOL.

Oh well, it’ll work out somehow.

In other news and events, I’m hanging out with Caiti and Claire again, and I wanna start hangin with the others again. I’ll have to really figure that out, but I’lll make it happen somehow.

List of this week’s fuck my life moments….my life was unusually silly and ironic this week…:

Curtis’s birthday was Monday.
Andrew called me Tuesday night and we talked for over an hour.
Dane’s birthday was Wedsneday.
Curtis-Andrew-Dane, perfect order.
Curtis and Dane turned the same age.
I met Javaun.
Jovan is Courtney’s artist/middle name.
Javaun and Jovan are pronounced the same way.

FML, ahahahahaaaaaa

i+u=love

gabrielle

I took these in front of my TV in the basement with the channel...

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 03:15:50 -0400

I took these in front of my TV in the basement with the channel on 188, MTV HITS. I edited them into these, what do you think?

Wings N Things

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 03:14:24 -0400

Coach’s son, Kole’s birthday party was today, and it was fun, I guess, but Ben was kind of invited to sleep over, but it didn’t work. Ben and my mom were arguing about it even 3 hours after the fact. That was tons of fun…..

But at least now my parents are bugging me less about isolating myself in my room. I guess now they see why I want to be in here all the time.

Sacred Heart Academy.

School starts in a matter of days, now. Freshmen Orientation went well. I’ve made a few friends, and I’m excited. Aside from the fact that I’m so lonely and can have no hope of a completely normal high school relationship experience and high school encounters with the opposite sex, I’m happy I chose that school and I know I’ll have a good time.

That’s all I’m going to say about that right now because there’s more important things I want to say…..I don’t know what they are yet, but I always find some way to fill up blog entries.

It’s about 3am and there’s no one to talk to. I just teared up from watching a live concert recording of MJ singing You Are Not Alone, and for those minutes, I didn’t feel alone. But once again, I do. It’s official, though, that Michael Jackson is the only person that I never met that I’ve cried the most for in total from the day of his death to now.

I think of my music “career” and dreams very often, and I’m putting in more and more efforts to make sure I sing every day. Today was kind of odd, and it got me thinking even deeper. I texted Courtney wondering if we could get working soon, and got no reply. I IMed him, “hey”, and also got no response. He was talking to Jackie, though, so it’s not like he didn’t see it. So that got me thinking…

I’ve met another producer and have his information. I did some research and found a local studio that seems really legit and I could work with them…so technically speaking…I don’t need Courtney. So what’s holding me back?

My insecurity with my voice?
My mom?

Why would she be holding me back? Well, everything takes time with her. She takes a long time to make decisions, and I can’t blame her, but with our schedules, you need to choose quickly before a plan is either forgotten or excluded because of over-booking. I’ll talk to her about it at some point….but what about my own insecurity?

You see, that could have been where Courtney would have been the most help, but I won’t go there.

Everyone spends time being heartbroken in their life. I think that’s my time, right now. Just downtime. It hurts. It sucks. But you go and keep doing what you have to do. You smile as much as you can, and work as hard as you can. It’d be so much easier if I had a working iPod to listen to. iPods are great for walks…and I can already feel my feet leading me to a very lonely path.

At least for the moment.

I wish I had wings, so that I could fly away.

I could go anywhere I want, and write wherever I want to. Sit where I want, see what I want…..I wish I could fly. But more than that, I wish I knew if I could sing or not.

I truly don’t know if I can….David told me I could….but I don’t trust him, for whatever reason. I don’t know who I’ll trust, because the music business is full of money-crased fools. I’m young, I’m sensual, and I’m not THAT bad, with a little vocal retouching (if needed), they could make tons of money off of me whether I can really sing or not.

I don’t know. I’ve always doubted myself in many ways, no matter what people told me. The only time I didn’t was when I was defending myself.

If guys weren’t such assholes, I’d go out and find a guy myself, but since they are….you always need back up. That means I have to have someone there with me, plan it out. It can’t just be done. Smh, if I didn’t pick this school, it wouldn’t be such a task. It’d be normal, but I didn’t choose that. I always liked making things harder for myself, didn’t I?

Whatever. It might be fun, it might be good. I have faith. If it wasn’t going to work out, fate wouldn’t have led me here.

My iTunes is on shuffle….and as I was typing the last section beginning with “Whatever.”, You Are Not Alone by MJ began to play. You see? Fate. Happens all the time.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through with all of this school stuff, but it’ll happen. God will help me. One of my biggest mistakes is forgetting him, not remembering that he’s here, keeping everything under control, no matter how out of control they may be for me. He’s with me. He’s my wings, and music is the air beneath them. It’ll be okay. I’m going to lay in bed and read. Sitting here without anyone to talk to makes me feel all the more lonely.

I love you

Gabrielle

RIP Uncle Lenny

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:33:56 -0400

He died today.

You were so sweet

so kind and gentle.

I knew the first day we met

that I would befriend you.

Your off to the clouds

and the stars and the moon

but where you’re going

they should be glad to have you.

I love you so much

and I’ll pray for you at night.

I’ll try to take care of her

and keep things alright.

I didn’t know you long,

I didn’t see you much,

but you were family to me

and I love you so much.

My tears fall for you now

but I know you’d want me to smile.

So I’ll smile when I can

and I’ll smile up to you.

Dear Uncle, kind and sweet,

Rest in peace….

rest in peace.

i love you,

your dear niece

gabrielle thomas

Off The Wall

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 03:45:25 -0400

And it’s not completely because of Courtney :)

It’s because at the game tonight (which we lost, but it was a very close game), some girl’s shoulder rammed right into the split middle of my chest and I’m starting to feel it worse now.

So I figured that I’d do something good with my time besides sit here and think of a guy.

I’m going through Michael Jackson, remembering him, studying him, and being incredibly inspired. If I get through all of his songs, I’ll move onto Mariah Carey. I hope I didn’t make a mistake, though….

You see, I was IMing Court….and I got really excited (and you know me….I wasn’t really trying to flirt, that’s just what I do) and I said “omg lol I wanna kiss you right now that’s f*cking exciting!”

And he’s coming over tomorrow so I can kiss him. Then he ended up asking me if I would let him do something else….and I said no and reminded him that I wasn’t a buddy. I think I might be confusing him, though, which is good. It’s a form of doing what most people told me to, right? (They told me to talk to him about it). I do want to kiss him…and maybe kissing will lead to talking….lol.

It makes sense if you think about it. What else do you really think I’m going to do with him? Who says my mom won’t drag me out with her for so long he never gets to see me?

I guess we shall see, shan’t we? Aside from Ben, there’s a chance I’ll have him all to myself.

Another thing that happened at the basketball game? Somehow, I ended up with bite-marks on my hand. They were like, bleeding.

So I’m going to continue enjoying my MJ marathon. I wish I could burst out singing right now, but it’s nearly 4 o’clock in the morning. I wish someone was online to talk to :/

you love I?

-gabrielle

Pictures to help your imagination after (or before) you read the...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:18:12 -0400

Pictures to help your imagination after (or before) you read the two entries before these pictures.

ily

gabby brielle

Highlights of WOW For This Week!

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:12:00 -0400

Hey. These are the highlights of the last entry. Since it was so long, if you don’t want to know about what happened to cause this, but you just want to know what’s going on now, read this.

with love

g♥brielle

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:I really like Courtney,I don’t LOVE him (at least I hope not/don’t think so). But as a person, as a friend, I do. And both of those feelings put him in a very important place in my heart. Well, my “issues” have to do with death, and not getting to say goodbye…or any last words at all. That’s probably why it bugged me that I could never do that with him, especially since he wouldn’t even answer questions, like when your on the phone and you keep talking but they hung up 5 minutes ago.

And part of me still tries to take advantage of time with everyone before I don’t have them, and time with him is very precious. But he gave me a gift, to say goodbye….. the courtesy to leave me, not abandon me.

So that’s where it is now. That’s where we stand. I think eventually, I will talk to him about “us”. I can’t wait too long or eventually there will be no point. Thanks for reading!

I love you dearly

Gabrielle

Wow For This Week!

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:10:36 -0400

I’ve really neglected my blog. Sorry, I’ve been busy….

Dealing with Ben.

Growing up.

SHA stuff.

Basketball.

Improving my singing skills.

Meeting new people.

Hanging out with Jaclyn….

and Courtney and Karl.

Yeah, crazy, right?

I’ll give you the short version.

Courtney like Jackie, Jackie kinda likin Courtney, Jackie like Karl, Courtney no like Jackie, Courtney like me.

See, now that needs some kind of explination, doesn’t it?

Okay!

Courtney and I ended up finally chillin this summer, but I had brought Jaclyn along. That was the day the madness began. Courtney imediately felt attraction to her, and I thought that was great! It was…. :)

Well, Courtney wanted to hang out with me (and Jaclyn, more likely) the day after. It was fun, we had a great photo shoot and it was tons of fun. He’s a good model, haha…really! The next time we hung out, he brought along his best friend Karl. Karl’s really cool and has a great sense of humor. They make an adorable pair.

Courtney’s so much like me, freaky, funny, bold, and talkative. Karl is a bit more like Jackie, a bit more reserved than Courtney, still ridiculously funny, and just fun. Courtney looks like a mixture of Pharrell, Kanye West, and Jay Z. Karl just simply looks like Topac. So we hang out a couple of more times, took more pictures, and just had an amazing time altogether.

The last time, however, we did have a good time, but something happened between Courtney and Jaclyn that became a mutual turn-off. They no longer have feelings for each other. Before I get to the part that kind of rocked my world, I’ll explain a couple of things about Courtney.

He’s pretty much everything I want in a guy….able to talk to me in a very real and personal way, able to understand me in an artistic way, experienced, kinky, fun, passionate, determined, has an incredible smile and an amazing smile, gets along well with my brother and my dad….

His main flaws are that he abandons conversations like shit.

That brings me to where I am now.

While Courtney and I were discussing the events of the day that the feelings between him and Jackie ended, he told me that he had liked me before. I didn’t realize he’d said it until hours after.

Now, remember how I’d been trying to hard to not like him, and suceeded, whether it was real or not? And remember how everyone thought I liked him? Remember that crazy, annoying time? Well, that was all because I thought I couldn’t get him, that he wouldn’t like me. It bothered me that we could have been together that whole time…that he did like me! But I’m over it, things happen for reasons.

Anyway, we talked and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me so it doesn’t “ruin the friendship”. That doesn’t change that he barely spoke to me for months, weeks? So, what is our friendship? But I kind of understand that…even though part of me can’t help but think that it’s just an excuse for something. I mean, he wants to be friends with benefits….like that wouldn’t change the friendship at all? I couldn’t do that with him because he means to much to me, it’d be too personal. You do that with guys you don’t care about so much.

So, now that I know that he liked me, I like him. Plain and simple. He said he liked me now, but as the previous paragraph stated, he doesn’t want to “ruin the friendship”. But now, I think I like him too much to take that as an answer. I don’t know. I could just get over it, but everyone says I should talk to him about it. Plus, he’s the only one that doesn’t know how lonely I am…..but I don’t want to be rescued.

He did something tonight that meant so much to me, I cried a bit (I swear, it was only PARTLY PMS-side effects.). What did he do?

He told me about his day, what was new in his life. He included me in his plans….and most of all…he said goodbye before he left. He asked me for my last words…..

Wow. I love writing this blog. I realized something just now…how it fits together. Forget about the PMS thing. I’m not that stupid. I know why I cried.

I really like Courtney,I don’t LOVE him (at least I hope not/don’t think so). But as a person, as a friend, I do. And both of those feelings put him in a very important place in my heart. Well, my “issues” have to do with death, and not getting to say goodbye…or any last words at all. That’s probably why it bugged me that I could never do that with him, especially since he wouldn’t even answer questions, like when your on the phone and you keep talking but they hung up 5 minutes ago.

So that’s where it is now. That’s where we stand. I think eventually, I will talk to him about “us”. I can’t wait too long or eventually there will be no point. Thanks for reading!

I love you dearly

Gabrielle