My Papercut Chronicles

me!

Hey :) Um....here's a LITTLE bit about me! Believe me, you must be really special if you're reading this. You must be amazing if you understand it. If you talk to me about it, you're just spiffy. My name is Gabrielle. I like that my name splits in two.

Gabby:
Hey, I'm Gabby! I'm really friendly and I love giving hugs! I go to Catholic school and I get pretty good grades. I have the best friends in the world, and I'm always open for more. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what makes sense in my life. I have two passions, one that carries more weight than the other. Basketball is one, I can't really bring myself to stop. That means something, right? And music. I wouldn't be here without it. I sing, and that's truely what I want to do. Maybe one day I'll do that. I'm working on it :) . I'm thankful to God for my life. It's been hard sometimes, but who's hasn't, right?


Brielle:
Hey, hoe. I'm Brielle. Don't fuck with my friends, and I won't fuck with you, okay? Umm..I play basketball because I love it, and it's good for my figure. I sing, because I have to. Music is what got me through the hardest of times: cutting, forcing myself to learn how to stop, and those lonely times when you know there's just no one that could understand.
I need Gabby. She nourishes me, and she lets me out when I need some air. She can write and sing whatever I need to be told. But she can't sing like I can, and you have to be extremely spiffy for me to let you here me sing. I have the sweetest ass in my class :) but I let Gabby take credit. I spoil that chick so much! I take the pain for her when the worst times come. In an ugly situation, I let her sleep, and I come out. I can be destructive, or I can be powerful. Gabby's sweet and I don't want her to get fucked up, so it's my turn to shine when she can't handle the pressure. When things get hard, but she can handle it, I'm the one that makes her suck it up.
She's the cute one. I'm the hot one. She's the photographer, I'm the model. She's the singer, I'm the lyrics and the voice within. I'll explain more later, but for now, that's all you need to know.

I love you, no matter who you are.
Gabrielle ♥♥




TSOL

Because I’m tired of saying I’m lost.

I just forgot who I am.

I’m forgetting things I used to adore more than almost anything.

I’m forgetting what I want, what I worked for.

I’m forgetting myself.

I feel so lost within my own mind. Like there’s so much there, that there’s really nothing at all.

What am I? Insane? Confused? I don’t know….

My muscles hurt.

I want to be held and touched and put back together.

But reading that, what I JUST typed before this very sentence pisses me off.

Because there’s no one to do that, and for many reasons, that is.

I truly wish I could convince myself that I could easily get over someone that cares so little for me.

I wish Max was online, because he kind of seems to make sense of things. It’s scary when nothing makes sense.

I think I’m just too tired. I’m getting irritable with myself. I’m going to go lay down.

To that guy: If you think of me at all…..please, please let me know. I just want to hear your voice or see your face. I just want you…….

I know he’ll never read that. He wouldn’t know who he was.

I need to get a hold of myself again. I don’t know how I’m going to do that. Maybe as the laryngitis fades away and my singin comes back, I’ll find my voice, I’ll find myself again. God, I hope so…..I’m so tsol without it.

For anyone that gives a shit, you may have even asked, but just so that I can admit it to myself, here’s the truth.

How are things at/with/involving school?

Well, I’m still trying to figure myself out, still trying to find my crowd. In a way, I fit in too many places. In a way, I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t know. I’m content, I’m too comfortable, I’m glad. I’m not happy there. I don’t know why, but it’s not like I’d rather be anywhere else. It’s still an amazing place. See how confusing that sounds? Makes no sense.

Why is it so hard to make sense of myself now? Why do I have so many feelings? Why do I get so emotional about this? Why am I getting so emotional now?

Am I developing an emotional/mental/chemical imbalance?

I’m not even going to go there. I don’t want to set myself up to having one. Nonono.

And as soon as I’m about to stop typing on this blog, things suddenly seem less dark, less dramatic, less bad. But when I’m about to close it, I feel more alone.

What the fuck?

i love you

gabrielle

September 25, 2009
Notes

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