My Papercut Chronicles

me!

Hey :) Um....here's a LITTLE bit about me! Believe me, you must be really special if you're reading this. You must be amazing if you understand it. If you talk to me about it, you're just spiffy. My name is Gabrielle. I like that my name splits in two.

Gabby:
Hey, I'm Gabby! I'm really friendly and I love giving hugs! I go to Catholic school and I get pretty good grades. I have the best friends in the world, and I'm always open for more. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what makes sense in my life. I have two passions, one that carries more weight than the other. Basketball is one, I can't really bring myself to stop. That means something, right? And music. I wouldn't be here without it. I sing, and that's truely what I want to do. Maybe one day I'll do that. I'm working on it :) . I'm thankful to God for my life. It's been hard sometimes, but who's hasn't, right?


Brielle:
Hey, hoe. I'm Brielle. Don't fuck with my friends, and I won't fuck with you, okay? Umm..I play basketball because I love it, and it's good for my figure. I sing, because I have to. Music is what got me through the hardest of times: cutting, forcing myself to learn how to stop, and those lonely times when you know there's just no one that could understand.
I need Gabby. She nourishes me, and she lets me out when I need some air. She can write and sing whatever I need to be told. But she can't sing like I can, and you have to be extremely spiffy for me to let you here me sing. I have the sweetest ass in my class :) but I let Gabby take credit. I spoil that chick so much! I take the pain for her when the worst times come. In an ugly situation, I let her sleep, and I come out. I can be destructive, or I can be powerful. Gabby's sweet and I don't want her to get fucked up, so it's my turn to shine when she can't handle the pressure. When things get hard, but she can handle it, I'm the one that makes her suck it up.
She's the cute one. I'm the hot one. She's the photographer, I'm the model. She's the singer, I'm the lyrics and the voice within. I'll explain more later, but for now, that's all you need to know.

I love you, no matter who you are.
Gabrielle ♥♥




Wings N Things

Coach’s son, Kole’s birthday party was today, and it was fun, I guess, but Ben was kind of invited to sleep over, but it didn’t work. Ben and my mom were arguing about it even 3 hours after the fact. That was tons of fun…..

But at least now my parents are bugging me less about isolating myself in my room. I guess now they see why I want to be in here all the time.

Sacred Heart Academy.

School starts in a matter of days, now. Freshmen Orientation went well. I’ve made a few friends, and I’m excited. Aside from the fact that I’m so lonely and can have no hope of a completely normal high school relationship experience and high school encounters with the opposite sex, I’m happy I chose that school and I know I’ll have a good time.

That’s all I’m going to say about that right now because there’s more important things I want to say…..I don’t know what they are yet, but I always find some way to fill up blog entries.

It’s about 3am and there’s no one to talk to. I just teared up from watching a live concert recording of MJ singing You Are Not Alone, and for those minutes, I didn’t feel alone. But once again, I do. It’s official, though, that Michael Jackson is the only person that I never met that I’ve cried the most for in total from the day of his death to now.

I think of my music “career” and dreams very often, and I’m putting in more and more efforts to make sure I sing every day. Today was kind of odd, and it got me thinking even deeper. I texted Courtney wondering if we could get working soon, and got no reply. I IMed him, “hey”, and also got no response. He was talking to Jackie, though, so it’s not like he didn’t see it. So that got me thinking…

I’ve met another producer and have his information. I did some research and found a local studio that seems really legit and I could work with them…so technically speaking…I don’t need Courtney. So what’s holding me back?

Why would she be holding me back? Well, everything takes time with her. She takes a long time to make decisions, and I can’t blame her, but with our schedules, you need to choose quickly before a plan is either forgotten or excluded because of over-booking. I’ll talk to her about it at some point….but what about my own insecurity?

You see, that could have been where Courtney would have been the most help, but I won’t go there.

Everyone spends time being heartbroken in their life. I think that’s my time, right now. Just downtime. It hurts. It sucks. But you go and keep doing what you have to do. You smile as much as you can, and work as hard as you can. It’d be so much easier if I had a working iPod to listen to. iPods are great for walks…and I can already feel my feet leading me to a very lonely path.

At least for the moment.

I wish I had wings, so that I could fly away.

I could go anywhere I want, and write wherever I want to. Sit where I want, see what I want…..I wish I could fly. But more than that, I wish I knew if I could sing or not.

I truly don’t know if I can….David told me I could….but I don’t trust him, for whatever reason. I don’t know who I’ll trust, because the music business is full of money-crased fools. I’m young, I’m sensual, and I’m not THAT bad, with a little vocal retouching (if needed), they could make tons of money off of me whether I can really sing or not.

I don’t know. I’ve always doubted myself in many ways, no matter what people told me. The only time I didn’t was when I was defending myself.

If guys weren’t such assholes, I’d go out and find a guy myself, but since they are….you always need back up. That means I have to have someone there with me, plan it out. It can’t just be done. Smh, if I didn’t pick this school, it wouldn’t be such a task. It’d be normal, but I didn’t choose that. I always liked making things harder for myself, didn’t I?

Whatever. It might be fun, it might be good. I have faith. If it wasn’t going to work out, fate wouldn’t have led me here.

My iTunes is on shuffle….and as I was typing the last section beginning with “Whatever.”, You Are Not Alone by MJ began to play. You see? Fate. Happens all the time.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through with all of this school stuff, but it’ll happen. God will help me. One of my biggest mistakes is forgetting him, not remembering that he’s here, keeping everything under control, no matter how out of control they may be for me. He’s with me. He’s my wings, and music is the air beneath them. It’ll be okay. I’m going to lay in bed and read. Sitting here without anyone to talk to makes me feel all the more lonely.

I love you

Gabrielle

September 7, 2009
Notes

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