My Papercut Chronicles

me!

Hey :) Um....here's a LITTLE bit about me! Believe me, you must be really special if you're reading this. You must be amazing if you understand it. If you talk to me about it, you're just spiffy. My name is Gabrielle. I like that my name splits in two.

Gabby:
Hey, I'm Gabby! I'm really friendly and I love giving hugs! I go to Catholic school and I get pretty good grades. I have the best friends in the world, and I'm always open for more. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what makes sense in my life. I have two passions, one that carries more weight than the other. Basketball is one, I can't really bring myself to stop. That means something, right? And music. I wouldn't be here without it. I sing, and that's truely what I want to do. Maybe one day I'll do that. I'm working on it :) . I'm thankful to God for my life. It's been hard sometimes, but who's hasn't, right?


Brielle:
Hey, hoe. I'm Brielle. Don't fuck with my friends, and I won't fuck with you, okay? Umm..I play basketball because I love it, and it's good for my figure. I sing, because I have to. Music is what got me through the hardest of times: cutting, forcing myself to learn how to stop, and those lonely times when you know there's just no one that could understand.
I need Gabby. She nourishes me, and she lets me out when I need some air. She can write and sing whatever I need to be told. But she can't sing like I can, and you have to be extremely spiffy for me to let you here me sing. I have the sweetest ass in my class :) but I let Gabby take credit. I spoil that chick so much! I take the pain for her when the worst times come. In an ugly situation, I let her sleep, and I come out. I can be destructive, or I can be powerful. Gabby's sweet and I don't want her to get fucked up, so it's my turn to shine when she can't handle the pressure. When things get hard, but she can handle it, I'm the one that makes her suck it up.
She's the cute one. I'm the hot one. She's the photographer, I'm the model. She's the singer, I'm the lyrics and the voice within. I'll explain more later, but for now, that's all you need to know.

I love you, no matter who you are.
Gabrielle ♥♥




Gabrielle Needs Love

Hehe they say I need a boyfriend.

And I can’t say they’re wrong, but it’s hard for me to admit to myself. I barely remember what it’s like to be a girlfriend, to flirt with someone, to not be afraid of being close to a guy (physically).

I’d say something, but I don’t know who’s reading. It just bothers me….. I’m admitting this much now because if I keep bottling it, my brain is going to implode.

But I always find myself trying not to have feelings for this guy. I push him onto my friend, and not because Ifeel like that would help, because it wouldn’t. I just feel like they’d make a good pair, that they’d be happy. But obviously, that’s not going anywhere. And neither are he and I. It’s to the point where I really need to spend some time with him (not because I want to, but because we have a project that needs to get done), but I’m scared to see him again, to hang out with him for real.

I don’t know what scares me. He’s not scary, not at all. I’m just weird. Whatever. I’m like my mother (plenty of self-control). But I only inherited control over my body (ignoring feeling tired or hungry), but how do you control your heart?

I’ll learn, if it’s the last thing I do. Unless a miracle happens. The weirdest part about this is that I probably would be praying for that miracle, at least that’s what I would have expected. But I’m not. It’s like I don’t want to be with him at all. I guess I don’t….but that’s just a guess. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t talk to me unless he has to. Maybe I’m mad at him for that, but that’s just a maybe.

I’m kind of improving my life again, going back on the path of hard work, dedication, and blood, sweat and tears. I have a great family behind me…..I’m just starting to cry now because as great as I feel with them, it’d be so….amazing if I still didn’t feel so alone.

As I’ve said over and over again, I like being single….but in so many months, single can turn into straight up alone and lonely very easily. Fuck me, though. I just need to get through these books for SHA. I better go eat, the parents are going to get “concerned”.

I love you…….

gabrielle.

July 26, 2009
Notes

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