My Papercut Chronicles

me!

Hey :) Um....here's a LITTLE bit about me! Believe me, you must be really special if you're reading this. You must be amazing if you understand it. If you talk to me about it, you're just spiffy. My name is Gabrielle. I like that my name splits in two.

Gabby:
Hey, I'm Gabby! I'm really friendly and I love giving hugs! I go to Catholic school and I get pretty good grades. I have the best friends in the world, and I'm always open for more. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what makes sense in my life. I have two passions, one that carries more weight than the other. Basketball is one, I can't really bring myself to stop. That means something, right? And music. I wouldn't be here without it. I sing, and that's truely what I want to do. Maybe one day I'll do that. I'm working on it :) . I'm thankful to God for my life. It's been hard sometimes, but who's hasn't, right?


Brielle:
Hey, hoe. I'm Brielle. Don't fuck with my friends, and I won't fuck with you, okay? Umm..I play basketball because I love it, and it's good for my figure. I sing, because I have to. Music is what got me through the hardest of times: cutting, forcing myself to learn how to stop, and those lonely times when you know there's just no one that could understand.
I need Gabby. She nourishes me, and she lets me out when I need some air. She can write and sing whatever I need to be told. But she can't sing like I can, and you have to be extremely spiffy for me to let you here me sing. I have the sweetest ass in my class :) but I let Gabby take credit. I spoil that chick so much! I take the pain for her when the worst times come. In an ugly situation, I let her sleep, and I come out. I can be destructive, or I can be powerful. Gabby's sweet and I don't want her to get fucked up, so it's my turn to shine when she can't handle the pressure. When things get hard, but she can handle it, I'm the one that makes her suck it up.
She's the cute one. I'm the hot one. She's the photographer, I'm the model. She's the singer, I'm the lyrics and the voice within. I'll explain more later, but for now, that's all you need to know.

I love you, no matter who you are.
Gabrielle ♥♥




Something Odd In The Sun’s Pots

Hey Lovers, Hi Haters.

I don’t know what the title to this is yet, but maybe I will by the time it’s over. Being that I’m sick at home, I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. (Prepare for a long entry today) It’s kind of difficult to do this honestly, blog, I mean. Now I kind of know who reads my blog. At first, the beauty of the blog was to have my feelings written down somewhere. Then, it was to kind of tell the story that is me without fear, but to whoever would listen. Now that I kind of see some of who is listening, I feel more shy or prude over what I’m saying.

I’m thinking of how I can still blog honestly, but without fear. Here are a few ideas:

Damn, now I just feel stupid. I should just screw it and write…right?

So what has been going through this mind of mine? I don’t even know where to start.

*Ten minutes pass, as I think of what to write about*

Let’s start with the easy part.

I’ve been having these split-second visions that I used to have. They’re in my future, and I think that I know what I want to do, that is, if my wildest dreams come true. I don’t know how I feel about blogging about it, especially not since I think people are actually reading it…..but that’s something every artist must get used to, right? Putting their hearts and souls in the street?

So anyway, I’ve been imagining myself coming home to a mansion. And not just any mansion (no, not the Playboy mansion), but a ridiculously huge property. There are all these kids there, black ones, white ones, hispanic, asian, every ethnicity. I pass the huge black gates and they all run to me and there’s a giant group hug. They’re all calling me “mommy” or “mom”. I’m not married, but I have a boyfriend who’s not in the music business. He’s just a regular guy who works at an office. I’m this huge amazingly famous singer, just getting back to have a break before a European tour that I’m bringing all my kids on. I don’t know if I’m a foster mother, or if I opened my own orphanage, or if I adopted all of them, but they are all mine and I love them so much. Nothing makes me happier than hanging out with them.

So that’s the stupid fantasy in my head, but I can’t see that happening for another…ten years? Yeah, just ten, because once you’re an incredibly famous musician, your chances of a “normal life” are already down the toilet, so why not become a mother young?

AND THEN, I’ve been thinking about guys lately. It’s pretty funny that Kaela and Pauline want me to go for Courtney, but that’s just not going to happen. I’m too focused on music when it comes to him, and he’s too focused on Pauline when it comes to me. They’d be a cute couple, though, so that’s why I “introduced” them to each other. But I’ve been thinking about guys in general.

Talking in detail about my lonely-girl-ness is definitely no longer something I’m comfortable doing right now. But to put it in simpler terms, I’ve been single for many, many months. It takes a tole on you after a while, and that’s where I’m at. I’m numbing quite nicely, though. I should be numb enough for Sacred Heart in no time.

I’m starting to feel weird about myself, mainly my physical appearance. I really do feel better when my hair looks good, which sounds superficial as hell, but it’s true. I’m thankful for my hair, but I hate it. I think I might just make my dad happy and grow out my layers. At least then it’ll feel thick again, as long as I have bangs. Without bangs, I feel like I have nothing to hide myself with. I think I might start wearing fitted caps too, and not just because they’re cute, but hoods and hats always make me feel a little more hidden.

It’s not that I want to hide….or do I? I just don’t know. But I’d rather walk around feeling a peachy-bit safer than walk around feeling nude and exposed. I’m getting even more comfortable with my body, which is great! But that’s only certain parts of my body….others, are starting to get on my nerves.

The beauty of that is that I still do not care. I just want to go out and have fun and love people and live my life. Time to eat Chinese food, but I’m sure I’ll come right back here with more.

I love you

GabbyBrielle

July 10, 2009
Notes

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